Day 2:

I keep having this reoccurring dream. I don’t understand why it returns every so often. Yet, it seems to happen almost every month or so. It’s not a bad dream so I don’t mind it but I would love to understand why I have it.

Back in the 90’s, I worked for Kmart. I got the job right after I moved to Colorado and kept it throughout college. I only worked there for about 5 years. After graduation, I found a job doing what any English major does – working for a big health care company. I haven’t worked for Kmart in 20 years. Yet, I dream of returning to it – all the time!

That’s right!  That’s the dream I keep having.

Sometimes, the dream is me returning after a long absence.  Sometimes, the dream is me working there as I never left. Sometimes, I remember everything about the job.  Sometimes, I feel like I have no clue what I’m doing and can’t remember any specifics like how to use the RMU units or where things are. Yet, it’s not necessarily a stressful situation. It just feels like the norm.

The crazy part is: the store never looks like the one I worked in. It’s usually bigger-much, much bigger! Literally the size of a shopping mall or a convention center (one time, it seriously had an auditorium in the Kmart!  Why would a Kmart have a 5000 seat auditorium? Call my brain crazy.) The most recent version of the store was again massive but had this flare that it was built and running in the 1970s.  It had the orange and brown carpeting, rust-colored furniture, lime-green accents, inverted cone columns (sorry I’m not an architecture expert. remember, I’m an English major). Always, I find myself lost in the store. Not remembering where stairs go or finding new rooms that should not be there. I try to walk the permitter of the store only to find it never ends; fashion turns housewares turns to grocery turns to cafeteria, turns to checkouts, turns to appliances turns to furniture… you see where I’m going?  I never return to the starting point.

Lastly, all the people working there, I don’t recognize any of them. In the version where I never left, I’m managing them but have to look to their name tags as I don’t have a clue to who they are. In the version where I come back to work, I try to find a manager I know but never do. The faces are always younger than mine. Although, I don’t find them familiar, I do interact with them as I’ve known them for months, or years.

Most of the details written here are from last night’s dream. It returned. I’m not sure why. When I wake, it feels like it was real. Like I was really there. I find it hard to clear my mind and fully wake up. Someday, I may find a therapist to tell these dreams to and try to understand why they happen. Perhaps it’s a message of uncertainty; my mind trying to tell me something about the new year or a new project. Or maybe, it’s my mind expressing stress or anxiety? (anxiety leads to fear, fear leads to hate – no it doesn’t Yoda! It’s just my own insanity.) Regardless of the true meaning, I know the dream will return. And if it doesn’t, I may wonder even more what I did to stop it….

365.

2019 will be 365 days of writing. Not since 2012 can I feel like I can focus – truly focus – on my writing. Nor do I feel more motivated. The last several years had consumed me into another venture that I was positive would lead me to new opportunities. This commitment just kept me too busy and required more time than I felt rewarding. I’m proud of that project and my participation in it. Yet, it simply didn’t move me forward, artistically.  In the early years, I  thought I could do both but I was just misleading myself. Between the day job that pays for the roof and food, friends, family, household chores, hobbies, and entertainment, that prior commitment just took too much out of me. I was tired physically and emotionally.

My OCD would say starting on the first day of a new year would be the perfect starting line of pushing myself to a daily routine – a routine that will keep me dedicated to completing several stories. It’s that routine that will give me the best results.  I’m reading to jump in.

Day 1:  New Year’s Day

Growing up, I don’t recall anything really special about the first day of each year. It was a day that my mother was home with a paid day off; it was a day, along Thanksgiving, Christmas and a 2-week vacation, to spend time with her and enjoy doing something fun.  As I got older, we’d go to a movie or go out to eat. In high school, my friends wanted to watch sports and have a big game of touch football in the park. I do remember a few of those games. The whole gang together running around until our sides hurt. Each year the participants may change, girlfriends or new friends.

As I moved away from home, it was a day I could work and earn time-and-a-half or double-time. It was just another work day; one I could make a significant more an hour. Then, I got married and had my daughter. We tried to make it a tradition to go see a big movie – Disney release or something memorable. The tradition lasted a few years but then the movies just didn’t feel worth it.

In the last 45 years, I do recall one thing that tied all those New Year’s Days all together. Eating of the Black-Eyed Peas. The story goes if you eat them on New Year’s that you will be rewarded with wealth. I can definitely confirm it wasn’t monetary as I’m still looking for that lotto win or found treasure of gold coins. Instead I believe the wealth was gauged in family and friends. And health.  And this New Year’s day is no different. I’ve just finished off my peas!

If you should find this blog and my daily writings (along with updates to all my creative projects) I encourage you to stick around.  2019  2+0+1+9 is 12; divisible by 3 and that’s a very good thing!!!

So, I’m working on this screenplay.  I think its this really great idea. Something I haven’t seen on screen and would make a funny flick.  It’s about this group of old video game characters who discover the internet and go on a journey of exploration and self-awareness.  They find that their old boring games have been replaced by colossal worlds and adventures.  THEN!  I get this call and someone tells me to watch this trailer on Youtube and this new movie call Wreck-it Ralph Breaks the Internet.  I scream.  I trash my office and I throw all the pages into a waste paper basket and poor gasoline over it. I take the bottle of Jack Daniels off the bar and take a massive swig and wipe my face.  As tears stroll down my cheeks and I hold a lit match, I know I’m no good.  I’m a hack.  I can’t make it in this business.   Then I realized.  If I can think it.  And someone actually made it happen.  Then, I’m as good as that person right?

Now, the above is mostly exaggerated.  I wasn’t really working on a Wreck-it Ralph copycat.   Yet, the project I’m working on now via collaboration sometimes feels like been there done that.  Then, I realize that its completely original and I think it’s a story that should be told. The moral of the story:  don’t get frustrated. Always be confident. And most importantly: don’t give up! Finish it. Just get the story on the page.  You can always revise later.  And lastly, you may be surprised by the results.

As the weekend begins, I will make sure I keep writing. And although I want to start showing it to everyone, I want to be a bit further along than I am before I do that.  So please be patient.  Stuff is coming…I promise!

Wednesday Morning—-

Work continues on several new projects.  I hope to start releasing it here very soon.  I would also ask that everyone take a look at my patreon page and support me.  With your monetary support, you’ll get insight into my writing and early peeks at my stories.

I do have to overcome a few distractions.  Mostly that I have so many ideas running around in my head, I’m having a hard time focusing on just one thing.   Yet, I am getting work done.  I’ve been working on a project I can’t talk about but I’ve also got a novella in the works, as well as a several other novel length projects.  I can say, that these include a YA book about my favorite animals; a fantasy epic that will be like a George RR Martin opus; and contemporary story about a boy and growing up in a small town.

Inspiration for completing these projects has been interrupted by working with a local convention for the past 7 years.   I’ve decided to leave that organization and focus on my writing and other creative projects.   I have spent many hours plotting and thinking about these stories.  Something I couldn’t do in the past few years due to the stress and responsibilities of a day job and working on a massive pop-culture convention.  With that wieght lifted, I find that I have time and eagerness to sit down and write.  So, I will do so and finish these projects.

I want to tell stories and have people enjoy those stories.  Yet, I do dream of the day I can do this full time, so with your help, I know I can accomplish this.   So stay tuned and return often.  Thank you!