Day 2:

I keep having this reoccurring dream. I don’t understand why it returns every so often. Yet, it seems to happen almost every month or so. It’s not a bad dream so I don’t mind it but I would love to understand why I have it.

Back in the 90’s, I worked for Kmart. I got the job right after I moved to Colorado and kept it throughout college. I only worked there for about 5 years. After graduation, I found a job doing what any English major does – working for a big health care company. I haven’t worked for Kmart in 20 years. Yet, I dream of returning to it – all the time!

That’s right!  That’s the dream I keep having.

Sometimes, the dream is me returning after a long absence.  Sometimes, the dream is me working there as I never left. Sometimes, I remember everything about the job.  Sometimes, I feel like I have no clue what I’m doing and can’t remember any specifics like how to use the RMU units or where things are. Yet, it’s not necessarily a stressful situation. It just feels like the norm.

The crazy part is: the store never looks like the one I worked in. It’s usually bigger-much, much bigger! Literally the size of a shopping mall or a convention center (one time, it seriously had an auditorium in the Kmart!  Why would a Kmart have a 5000 seat auditorium? Call my brain crazy.) The most recent version of the store was again massive but had this flare that it was built and running in the 1970s.  It had the orange and brown carpeting, rust-colored furniture, lime-green accents, inverted cone columns (sorry I’m not an architecture expert. remember, I’m an English major). Always, I find myself lost in the store. Not remembering where stairs go or finding new rooms that should not be there. I try to walk the permitter of the store only to find it never ends; fashion turns housewares turns to grocery turns to cafeteria, turns to checkouts, turns to appliances turns to furniture… you see where I’m going?  I never return to the starting point.

Lastly, all the people working there, I don’t recognize any of them. In the version where I never left, I’m managing them but have to look to their name tags as I don’t have a clue to who they are. In the version where I come back to work, I try to find a manager I know but never do. The faces are always younger than mine. Although, I don’t find them familiar, I do interact with them as I’ve known them for months, or years.

Most of the details written here are from last night’s dream. It returned. I’m not sure why. When I wake, it feels like it was real. Like I was really there. I find it hard to clear my mind and fully wake up. Someday, I may find a therapist to tell these dreams to and try to understand why they happen. Perhaps it’s a message of uncertainty; my mind trying to tell me something about the new year or a new project. Or maybe, it’s my mind expressing stress or anxiety? (anxiety leads to fear, fear leads to hate – no it doesn’t Yoda! It’s just my own insanity.) Regardless of the true meaning, I know the dream will return. And if it doesn’t, I may wonder even more what I did to stop it….