Writing is Hard Work….

I know I’ve said it before. But writing is hard work. Especially for me. Mostly because, I have good days and great days. And then some not-so-good days.

I can easily sit down and work the keyboard for a few hours and write pages and pages. Yet, then my OCD and Anxiety kicks in and I look at the writing and feel its not very organized. Or my thoughts are not coming out right. Even when I know its just a rough draft. Or a quick blog post thats not polished. I sit and worry that it’s crap.

Then, the internal debate happens. Delete. Leave it. No. Delete it. Okay, lets revise and edit it. No, it wasn’t meant to be edited. Okay. Delete it. Forget it. Just leave it. I’ll come back to it tomorrow and edit.

Sometimes writing is a chore. Yet, I do it because I know its something I have to do. Like a job, you have to do it even if you’re not really into it. So I just write. Mostly garbage or just stream of conscience stuff. This is when I rant or throw common sense at a problem and try to explain the upside or downside.

I hope I’m not alone in this battle to write. I think this is why I’m insanely curious to how others write and try to voyeur on their writing process. Like a nerdy 7th grader, I’m trying to justify I’m not alone in this complex world.

And don’t get me started when I think I’m just writing this stuff and its like a note in a bottle. I doubt anyone is reading it or even finding it on the web…..

Direction.

My promise to myself in 2019 was to write here every day. Because if I’m writing here, I’m writing on other things. It truly is helping. I’ve done more this year than I did in 2018. But….

I feel like these posts are all over the place. Perhaps its just my OCD.

All through my life, I felt secure when things were organized. Maybe organizing things simply provided me the satisfaction of security. I had control of those little things. And all together, I was in control!

So, maybe, I should find some focus here. Should it be a motivational journal? I’m not so sure. I’m no psychologist. And I’m definitely not a motivational speaker (living in a van down by the river). Yet, I hope my readers do find useful nuggets here. Even if its just mindless entertainment or laugh (at my ignorance?).

I’ve really thought about starting like a serial or some ongoing creative project…. (feel free to post)